Well, it finally came to a head last night. She said hurtful things and I let her know that I never wanted to do any of the things that we did, that I did. That I made myself do them because I felt bad about what I did in the past. That I made her loose her own friend. But, let's be honest. She did the same thing that I did, for different reasons, and she threw that friendship away long before anything else started. She always complained about the friend. She usually treated him like crap. The last time I talked to him, which was long ago, a different life time it feels, he was fed up with her. But that is not the point. The point is that I told her, and today she is, mopey, for lack of a better word. And I don't know what to do about it, but I can't do anymore than I am. I try to make nice, I try to be cheerful, but every time she calls me, she ends up in tears. I don't know what she wants or needs from me, but I don't know how much longer I can be strong. I am tired for one thing. No big surprise there. I was up until past midnight, and I was up at 630, out of the house by 640. Holy crap! Speed demon!
I am looking forward to leaving early, but not to why I am doing so. I am looking forward to being free of work and business by 4:00, but not to what the night holds. Weeping and somber moods. No thank you. I don't want that. For anyone of us. And is the way of the world. She will be moody and I will try and keep the kids "out of her hair" in ways that makes me be short with them. I hope not. I don't want that either. No body does. So, I vow to try to be strong. To not let this "fantastic" upcoming afternoon bring me down.
Not looking forward to the therapy with Cara either. This is her deal, and I don't appreciate being brought in on it, be it her idea or the therapist. I think that I will work on getting the guts up to tell her so. That I will go today, but this is about Cara and she needs to learn to communicate with us, and that is what she is going there for. SHE. I have three kids, and she is the only one that needs me to be in therapy with her. I think that is a sign that SHE needs the therapy, not me?
Anyhow, I hate therapy. I have my reasons. Plus, as noted above, THIS IS HER DEAL.
Well, that is all, today is Tuesday, that means re purpose day. OK, so I made some planter tags out of old plastic dividers that I saved from my old job. They are the greatest things, the dividers, I used them last Christmas to make the covers to photo brag books that I made for everyone, and this year I will be adding photos to them. Oh, I guess we have craft day covered, just kidding. Anyhow, I have not figured out how to post them in the garden yet, but I will work on that this afternoon, and hopefully, pictures to follow.
That is all for now, I feel rather dizzy and cloudy. I think that it has a lot to do with the lack of sleep and the smoke in the air. Terrible. I feel bad for people here in town, that have problems already and are suffering, and I feel even worse for those in harm's way. Such a waste...
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