Is supposed to be full of luck and good things, since it only comes once every 4 years. If the luck and good things are not there, you are, I think, supposed to make it.
Today, I am filled with nothing but doubt and blue moods. I am sure that a lot of it has to do with PMS, but more than that, it is things that I cannot just not ignore anymore. Personal things.
My Grrrl is always in pain and that scares me and it upsets me because she won't go get help, and now it is getting into our already almost none existent sex life. The worst thing is that I cannot talk to her about it, so I vent about it here, yet I know that she will see it, she gets my blog.
We have not had much to speak of in that department since a traumatic experience last summer. We had to remove a poisonous person from our life, and since then, once or twice, that is it. My Grrrl can tell me over and over that this has nothing to do with it. but actions speak louder and words, and I am getting tired of coming on to her, only to hear why it's not gonna happen. It is hard enough for me to keep trying, I hate being shot down. And when I get to really feeling down, and I start to think that it has something to do with that stoopid cow, that hurts even more.
If it didn't hurt so much, I wouldn't even care anymore, but it does hurt, and it is hard.
I worry that her pain is an excuse...if that is the case, if her pain is so bad that she has to sit in her chair with the heating pad all the time, and it hurts her to get out of bed, and all of the other things that I see her dealing with, AND it is affecting our love life, which she says upsets her...
WHY NOT GO TO THE DOCTOR?
Seriously? She says that she is afraid of what she will hear, I have said that I will be there with her no matter what it is.
I do not know what more I can do to be a good wife. I am at my wits end. I am a young(ish) lady, who is attracted to her mate, and would like to experience things with her, but don't get to.
I didn't realize that this was hurting me so bad, but it is. I can only be turned down, even nicely, so many times... this hurts so bad, and I have no one to talk to...I am afraid to talk to My Grrrl, not sure why, but I am. So, I talk to her this way, and to you, cyber-world, even though I am pretty sure no one is listening... :`(
Blessed Be!
Misty
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