This is Why I Hate Nature...

I took this picture on our hike to the stream behind the cabin.

 By the time this happened, we had been though the stream, 

and hiked as far as we were gonna go, and most of the way back.

These GIANT deer-flies were all around, and BITING!

This one stayed on me long enough to get this picture.

I wanted to be able to remind myself that I do, indeed...

HATE NATURE..

Well, I hate being out in it where things can bite me.

I like taking pictures of nature, and I enjoy sitting

in the rain, or watching the snow.

But I seriously DISLIKE things biting me...

Awesomest Thing Today

Going thru files looking for records I was supposed to be looking for... I cam across a last name, the last name of "the darkness". It was also close to the name of a street that a friend in middle school grew up on, but it was "the darkness" last name. I sat here looking at the screen, not being able to place where I recognized that name from. I kept going back to a street name. Then it dawned on me. It is close to the street that some kid grew up on in 1987. Later, much later, did my brain click "oh yeah, its also the last name of "the darkness"... That is awesome. Every day, less and less brain space being used on that waste of... everything...

 

Conspiracy Theory...

So, everyone, well most everyone, here at my "new job" is so nice to me. They don't even know me yet to know what an awesome person that I am ( haha ). I get paranoid and wonder if its a conspiracy against me or something?! I mean, some people are nice, but as a group? There are just to many people being nice at once.

 

Maybe, I am just noticing the nice people verses the ones that are just kinda indifferent to me? The theory would go like this... We ( me and my grrrl ) are in this bubble of love, laughter and light, so I only notice those and am drawn to those that compliment that outlook. I am not phased by those that are not in a state to compliment that bubble? I like that idea. Maybe that is why my moms tantrum last night didn't phase me as much as it would have before?

 

Hmmm, OK then, it is decided. There is no Conspiracy Theory here. It is instead that I can only see people that compliment the "bubble lifestyle"...

 

 

Hehe! Bubble Lifestyle! That is a good one! That is how I want to live my whole life. Especially this "weekend"... You hear that baby? Bubble lifestyle this weekend. Get ready. I get off in 4 hours. Ugh... 4 hours....

 

 

The Age of Light and Laughter

Recently discovered that only did we loose ourselves and each other, we lost a lot of things that were “our things”, together and separately. Hers and mine and ours… That really sucks, because there were usually happy memories behind what made those things “our things”.  Now, they are associated with “the dark ages”. That is what I am calling the last 18 or so months, maybe longer? Crap! Has it been longer? If so, that is depressing as hell… What ever it has been. “the dark ages” are over. It is now the time of light. Wait, what was it they called Queen Elizabeth’s reign? The Golden Age? Well, I'm not crazy about that, but whatever… We will have to come up with a better name for the time now… I like “The Age of Light” maybe “The Age of Laughter”? Or Love? Because that is what we do most now…

Anyhow, where I was going with this… We have lost lots of things that were ours before the dark ages, and we need to get them back. My grrrl talked about having to watch all of the Saw movies again, because she watched them when she was in a bad place because of the dark ages. I don’t like horror movies, but I will totally do that for her. She means more to me than 6 movies  worth of horror movies.

I just want to get back all of the stuff that was ours, I want to get new stuff that is ours, and I want to get rid of anything that has to do with the dark ages, in deed, action or thought…

Maybe Good Things DO Happen To Bad People!?

Just kidding! I am not a bad person! At least I try not to be, and I think that I do a good job most of the time!
 
I just found out about some "goodness" that is going to be coming my way soon. I didn't expect it, and it will sure help to make the holidays and senior year expenses easier to deal with...It is nice when things work out. I even had a "plan" to make things work out, it would have been tight, but now, it will be easier still. Room to breath and buy senior pictures of my beautiful daughter!
 
So, I say again, good things... bad people? Or, could it be that the EXTREME LOVE that I am in, is also good for Karma!?
 
I think that is it! Love cures all...Even finance issues!?  Ha ha!

This Weekends Progress

So, only 5 or 6 books from my Mom this past week. Not enough to get the door covered, so the bookcase door is still on hold. Hopefully some more this week! Even if it is 5 or 6 at a time, we'll get it done! We already got more glue sticks! Ha ha!

We rearranged the living room Monday ( and my Grrrl finished Tuesday while I slept for work... ) IT LOOKS AWESOME! I love having a "new" living room, to go along with our new life!

We are using a different computer desk now, so I can use the other one for a "wrapping station" for Yule. I kinda have it set up. It is against something ( no open space on the walls! ) I have some scissors in a drawer, and I know where the tape is, just have to get that moved in there too! I pulled all the wrapping paper I have, and gift bags, and tissue paper, etc, all are within reach of the "wrapping station" I am good to go!

I even have holiday fabric that I can make gift bags out of. I did that for a friends birthday gift earlier this year. I think it came out pretty good. Maybe I will see if I can find a book on how to do it better and differently. Variations and what not! LOVE THE LIBRARY!!!

That is the update for now. I am sure that there is more that we did this weekend, but for now, that is all that I can remember. This weekend was great. it was, much as the shelves in my Ost Sindsro Suite ( garage ) are draped in fabrics... It was draped in love and laughter... So, everything seemed crafty and creative and magical and wondrous!!!

Well, that is all, a few more things to do before I am free!!!

Hopefully there will be books and glue sticks, and awesomeness and a bookcase door in our future!!! Pics will follow when book have arrived!!!

Very Different Views...

1. I took this picture at the stream behind the cabin.

I was hoping that the ripples, and some of the

water bugs would show up well.

I think that they did come out pretty good.

I was impressed by how the sun shone on the water

to really bring out the "stuff" in the water.

2. I saw the mountains from either the

back yard or the courtyard.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to 

do it justice from ground level.

I went out on the roof and took this picture.

I took several that day, from the lower roof.

I wish I had the courage ( of my best grrrl ) 

to help me get up on the top roof. 

Then maybe there wouldn't be all those power lines

and what not...

I did get up there later, with my best grrrl, 

but it was dark, and I am not good

( yet )  

at taking night time pics...

3. This is a shelf in our courtyard.

I just knew this would be an interesting picture.

For some reason it reminds me of my childhood.

Could it be the shelf that my mom had in our house

that she stored her "pretty dust collectors" on?

I think that is it.

That was a pretty cool shelf.

Happy memory of childhood, there you go...

I think that this is one of the prints that I am

going to have framed and placed in my

"Photo Hall". 

So In Love!

Oh my gosh, I am so flippin in love with my grrrl right now! I think
that it is true what they say "that which does not kill you, makes you
stronger" and it goes for relationships too. We are, in my opinion,
stronger than we have ever been!
I am happy to be here! It's a great time to be me, because I have a
grrrl that loves me as much as I love her! And that's a lot!
Last night she said she was afraid she would wake up and this would
have been a dream. Sometimes I fear that she is just playing it up,
and then she will drop a bomb on me..." don't really love you, wanted
to hurt you like you hurt me" but those moments are fleeting, and
highly unlikely. No one is THAT good of an actor!
I love her, and I have to have faith, and trust and I do... Without
trust, there cannot be pure love...

I think that that is part of the problems that I have had in past relationships. I didn't trust the other person, I didn't trust the relationship, I didn't trust the situation. I just didn't trust the love. I trust this love, as much as I can. I have trust issues. My grrrl knows this and she is still around, busting her butt to prove herself, and our love to me. Something she should not have to do, but does. It is not her responsibility to prove that her love is true. That love in general is true, but she does. She shows me everyday in everything that she does.

I love her laugh. It is the best sound that I have heard since I heard the first cries of my kids when they were born...

I love her smile. It is pure sunshine and joy concentrated on her beautiful face.

I love her ideas, I love her thoughts, I love her actions, I love her hands... I love her feet...

I love that she loves me, and that she lets me love her, and that we are growing strong and stronger each day, together. That is the key to it all. TOGETHER. That we both want TOGETHER FOREVER. That is the key to making it work...

I love my grrrl...

The Evolution of The Idea

I was in Target recently. ( We LOVE Target, it is almost like a date night if we can get there without the kids! ) I saw this index card contraption. It had a plastic cover and dividers and back ( with pocket ) and of course, index cards in it as well. It was a study aid. I knew it was more. Well, I knew that I could make it for just the cost of the index cards. Mostly because I have the rest of that stuff at home! 

Tonight, I was thinking about how to implement the thought that "I can make that myself for cheaper" theory. I was gathering supplies, and it dawned on me, that this "modified" edition of what I saw in Target could be to hold photos. Like a photo book.

So, I set out to "Make It So". I now have an almost complete prototype of my photo book. ( name still be worked on ) I have made a few notes to improve the process for the next edition of (name still to be determined ).

As soon as I get this prototype finished, I will post some pics of it. Once I figure out a name, that too will be posted!

One reason that I am so pleased that I thought about these, is that this might just make a great "friends gift" for my kids to make and give out this year for the holidays! I do so love cheap gifts... I mean, homemade gifts!

What a weekend...

It started when we took the man child to his Halloween Spook Out. He was Mario from the video game, and we were Danny and Sandy from Grease. I was Danny! It was a riot and the best part was that the matching costume idea was all my grrrls! I have wanted to do it before, but that is not her thing. This time, she stepped outside of her comfort zone, and we had fun! She was beautiful! I was so proud to have her by my side!

Saturday was lots of running around. Groceries, Library, her Moms. Then that night we talked, and some sensitive subjects came up. It kinda put a damper on things that night, but they needed to come up, and this particular topic was an issue that she had. It needed to be said, she needed to get it out, so she did, and that was good. It wasn't easy for me to hear, it sucked, but it was true. I think that that is the part that sucks the most, is that it was true, it touched to close to home for me.

This morning, she was afraid that things would sill be strained, but they weren't. I woke up ( at 3:15pm ) as in love with her and happy to start a day where she is my wife, as ever...

Difficult things are going to come up, on both ends of this. This weekend, I realized that I hurt by all of this. Her part of it I mean. I didn't know what was going on until after the fact, but now that I know. I am hurt and pissed. That is OK. I am allowed to be. She is, but I feel like I don't have the right to be. We both committed the same offence, for different reasons ( both of which suck by the way... ). But she knew what I was doing while I it was going on. I found out afterwards, and while hers happened first, I didn't find out until after mine came out. So, I don't feel like I have the right to be mad about hers, even though it happened first, because I feel guilty for mine. I cant get my words out well...

Bottom line is, we both did something stupid, we both learned from it, ( I think ) and we will never take each other for granted again. We will never put ourselves and our relationship for granted again. Never put ourselves in a place to let things get so danmmed out of hand that we loose ourselves and each other.

We are running hand in hand toward the future. Hand in hand so we cant loose each other...

Nature

This is a stump in our courtyard.

It was in our front yard for 2 or so years.

I moved it into the courtyard as a seat for firetime.

When I did, all the bark fell off.

I saw this crack in it for the first time then,

I think that is amazing how it can still serve a purpose

to the world, even though someone in the world

ripped it out of the ground!

So Excited

Getting ready to go to the Big Brothers Big Sisters Spook Out! Going
with my best guy & my best grrrl! Were gonna have so much fun! I'm
going to be a greaser and she's gonna be a 50's girl. So awesome! Love
the matching the costume thing! The man child is going to be Mario!
Were gonna be the awesomest people ever!

Sent from my iPod

Denver Zoo, Just 1 Pciture

 This picture was taken at the Denver Zoo
http://www.denverzoo.org/visitors/index.asp
I took many pictures that day.
This is my favorite.
I didn't know that it would turn out so well...

I am so pleased with how well the colors showed up.
Often times my camera doesn't seem to catch the colors that I see...
but in this case, it did.
I love the oranges and yellows and how they compliment each other.

This is why I love taking pictures of nature!

Nature will never need to be told to smile.

Nature will never blink when I take the picture.

Nature will never sneeze when I take the picture.

Nature will never try to slyly work "the bird" into the picture.

Nature will never try to duck out of the shot, or block her face.

Nature is just there, and I think that Nature WANTS to have her picture taken.
I' happy to oblige!

I love Morning Glories!!!

This is BY FAR my favorite picture of the morning glories growing on my gazebo!

I love the way they seem to be paying homage to the sun that is shinning on them.

That is the best way to describe it, I find.

This the closed up flowers, later in the dy.

This is just above where the basking morning glories are.

I love the way the center of this flower seems to be lighting up.

Like there is a tiny sun in it's center!

Profile of a Pretty Lady

This one is getting ready to close up for the day.

I love the way they seem to have a package that closes up on itself.

I mean, duh, of course they do, its nature,

IT'S AMAZING!!!

This one just looks kinda beat down and sad,

but still beautiful!

I love the shadows in this picture.

I love how the wall behind the flower is getting the sun,

yet the flower is not.

Pretty much the opposite in this picture!

This flower is growing up Papa's Ladder.

I love the morning glories, they have been a source of inspiration for me pretty much all summer, but now that the days are staying cooler longer, my beautiful flowers stay out longer, and so I have more chances to see the wonderful poses they seem to make for me!

Tonight Has Been A Tease...

This night has been a big tease! I got here, and it seemed like all heck was breaking loose, and I was ready, and I mean READY. Ready to grab the bull by the horns and knock it around some! Then, things got quiet. I mean, there was some excitement. Patients going out, over crowding, not enough techs that we are asked for showed up… Admin Sups trying to get us to take patients in beds we just didn't have… stuff like that. Stuff that I was ready to deal with, and follow my leader to get squared away.

 

Then, it got squared away, and now, its, dare I say the Q word? Quiet?! UGH! Even saying the Q word, I can't jinx us that much, we are closed. We don't have anyone that can go out, so we can't get open. Short of a code, which I don't want, no matter how bored I am, we are destined to deal with this silent, boring night….

 

I started, and am still working on, my Yule book. I pretty much finished it, now it is all the small TO DO stuff that has to get added as it pops into my head, so for all purposes, I am done with that, until something pops…

 

The most excitement I have had since it got slow, ( Oh, I said the S word… ) was when one of my favorite nurses and I made a bet about how long one of the day nurses would stay after she should have clocked out. She called her Mom, she called her Dad, she "charted" a tiny bit. She talked to one of the patients family members ( not about the patient though, about how she shares a name with someone who worked her way thru nursing school doing some questionable activities, and sometimes still gets calls for this name twin, asking her to do some of these things… I say go for it, she could use the…questionable activity). By the way, I was WAY off on the bet. I said 2030, he said, over, and he was right. She didn't leave here until 2200… He even went to ask her what he could do to help her get out of here, and she said she had to chart and that when he came in at 1730 it was crazy, blah blah blah… I'm sure it was. I do not doubt that it was. But here's the deal, he didn't come in at 1730 on this shift. He was here last night, so he has been here for over 24 hours, she should be caught up on her charting… She just milked the clock. I wish I could get away with getting paid to call my mom and dad. Hell, I just wish I could call my dad, but that is another blog all together…

 

So, I broke my, damn, I lost my words again. Resolution I guess is the best word? I wasn't going to drink soda anymore, except on Saturday when we eat with Nana. I had a soda tonight, back when it was crazy. I told the charge I was going, asked if he wanted anything. He gave me a dollar to get him a soda too. Cool. Then later, he calls and offers to get me something from Jersey Jacks. But he already gave me the dollar for the soda, so we were square already! He's just that kind of guy. I asked for a bag of Nacho Doritos. He said "That's it?!" Hehe! I like it when he's in charge! Even when it is crazy, he makes it chillaxe, as the kids would say!

 

So, tonight has been my free eat night. I had cookies that were left over from a meeting that they had today. Then I had my bag of chips from the awesome charge, then I had the two brownies that my baby let me have, since they were the last. And just now, oh just now. I had the taco meat left over from dinner two nights ago. Holy cow, it smelled SO GOOD!!! I had 2 tortillas with taco meat; I still have taco meat left over too! Oh man, there goes all the hard work I did last night, no soda, craving soda, trying hard not to drink soda… But, tonight, I am making this one last. I went to get it around 2145 I would guess, and I am drinking it from a cup, I just poured the last, but I'm doing well. When I finish that, it's back to my yummy tea for me!

 

So, let's see what we have in the way of self discovery today? Well, that is what this blog is supposed to be about, and it has become less and less of that, and more and more of me just talking about my day. Like a journal for the universe?

 

Let's see…I really can't think of anything. I know that I have to ask for help when I need it. I told my grrrl the other day that the cat bowl needed water, and she fixed it, and then asked if it killed me to tell her that. Yes, yes it did. Tonight I asked her if the laundry was done, and she was she didn't do it because there wasn't enough, I told her I tossed my robe in there. She said that she would do that, then later, she texted to tell me that the robe was in the wash, and that other than scrubs there wasn't much to wash. I told her that I need the scrubs cleaned, since that is what I wear to work at the Bradbury. So, she said "Well, OK then." And I think, no, I am pretty sure that she is washing the scrubs, I think that is what she said. I do know this; there will be clean scrubs for me Thursday morning. I should have been more clear at the get go I guess.

 

I can't help but get a little irritated that she wasn't doing anything when I called. I mean, here I am, at work, and she's not doing anything. That is totally not fair though, because what I don't know, is that she has probably already done the kitchen, picked up the living room, and as she told me, the laundry was basically caught up, but Tuesday is bed sheet day. It's all just a jumble, and we are both learning… I know that she is not as strict about schedules and such as I am. She does get stuff done. Here is my issue; I don't want household chores hanging over us on my days off. They are not that many, even less than normal this week. I know that she would say, don't let it bother you, I will get it done, but for some reason, I can't just not let it get to me. And there, we get to the root of the issue. I NEED TO LEARN TO LET IT GO. THEY ARE HER CHORES, AND AS LONG AS I HAVE CLEAN CLOTHES, AND EVERYTHING I NEED TO DO MY JOB, I SHOULD RELAX AND LET HER DO IT IN HER TIME…The other half of me says this… That is how we got into a back slide before. A backslide that I don't want to get into again. I want to be a healthy happy couple, and the back slide scares me…

 

Well, I guess that is it. I am sure that everything will be sufficiently ready for our bubble weekend! The bubble is what you make it, after all. I'm not saying that there are not things that can wreck the bubble, which we have no control over, like a broken ankle, etc, but little things can't touch the bubble. The bubble is what you make it…

Book Case Door Delayed

So, the bookcase door has been delayed, on account of the fact that we ran out of books. Even putting 1 cover to the front on each shelf, we were about 20 or so short. My mom said that they typically have more books to recycle by Thursdays, so hopefully we'll be able to get some then. If I work it right, I can pick them up on my way home from work Thursday! Then we can get them ripped and ready on Thursday evening, and work on the door Friday night, and Robert will be door less for only 1 night!

Maybe we'll get lucky and the books will match with the ones that we have, but not to well. I am glad that we didn't go ahead with the ones that we have, and do the bottom two shelves in the newer ones. I'd rather mix and match all the way down. That was a good idea to wait.

So, the door has the "shelves" painted on, and we have the books that we have all prepped and ready to go, I even know where the glue gun and glue sticks are! Go me!

So, hopefully I will have pictures of the finished project soon. I'm not going to bother posting pics tonight of the project where it is, since the image uploads is disabled until 5:00 tomorrow.

Love this project!

Rough Night

Last night was a rough night. Half of the people that we admitted didn't last an hour...One lady was brain dead when they flew her in, and they hoped to harvest her organs, but she didn’t make it, and then her family said no anyhow… To those of you who have the power over me when my time comes… I WANT TO DONATE EVERYTHING THAT CAN STILL BE USED, and I am OK with artificial means to keep me alive until I can be harvested… Now that that has been said…

There was another gentleman flown in from T or C, and he didn’t make it either. His wife was driving in, and no one was ever able to get in touch with her while she drove. She had NO idea that her beloved husband had passed when she got here. I did know this, so when she came onto the unit all frantic, wanting to see her husband, I had to get her nurse, who was dreading her arrival as well. He came up to my desk and she was asking how he was, my nurse had no choice but to tell her there at my desk that they did all that they could do, but that he didn’t make it. She fell to the ground and let out the most agonizing sob I have ever heard. It broke my heart. Telling her broke my nurses heart too, he may act like a bad a**, but he is a softy if ever there was one.

She cried on her sister’s shoulder while my nurse got her a chair, and she cried out that she didn’t want to live without him. That drove me over the edge. I didn’t break down in tears, I have to be strong for everyone, for my nurses, for myself, and for my families, even if they don’t realize it. I know I am a sideline player to the naked eye, but I am here getting things done that most won't know about, but if I wasn’t doing it, it would be felt. I am fine with this.

Hearing her say that she doesn’t want to live without him broke my heart, and for a moment made me not want to love anymore...Certainly it would be easier to go through life without love than to suffer agony, pain and immense heartache like this, wouldn't it?

Well, it’s too late for me; I am in love. So I guess that I have to resolve myself to suffer that pain someday? I have resolved that…I do know this now, love should not be taken for granted, and I should get busy livin’ and lovin’. Making it worth to suffering that may come some day. So that I will have the memories of a great love to carry me through the pain of loss.

Neat Stuff In My Happy Hall

Not sure where we got this, from a family member maybe? Big Lots maybe?

I love frogs!

This one is to cute...

The lighting is weird, but I don't like to use the flash,

because it washes out

EVERYTHING

that makes a picture cool to me...

This is just the light from the bar lights that we hung in the stairwell...

These are rocks that my Grrrl painted.

The sunflower in the back was part of a different project.

The Frogs were to be sold in a craft fair.

I pulled them out just in time!

Again, just the light from the bar lamp in the stairwell,

just a bit further away.

I might have turned on the light at the top of the stairs,

but that one is around a corner, so I don't think that it

would have helped that much?

Awesome Stuff Outside!

Monster In The Window

( In the Curtain, Do You See It? )

This was another grillin' picture!

Awesome Solar Lamp That My Son

And I Made...

Late It Became A Victim Of The Wind...

Bummer

I love the way the rain had gotten into the bottle.

It gave off really neat light.

The Oil Lamps Flame

I was trying to get the perfect dance of the flame.

Never did get it.

Still learning the "Close Up" feature.

Always comes out blurry.

What More Needs To Be Said?

I don't have a toe fetish or anything, but this photo just had to be taken. I was sitting outside while we grilled. She was getting stuff ready to throw on the grill, and I pointed down, and zoomed in.

Love toes...Hate feet though... Strange?!

I think that this was the begining of the end for me...

I took this picture at a rest stop on the way to Denver for the holidays. I thought that the pattern that the snow and tires made together on the wheel well was SO NEAT, I HAD to have a picture!

Looking back, I think that it was the beginning of the end for me and the camera! Seeing the neat things that are out there, the off the wall things, I like those the most. The people that like my photos seem to understand and appreciate that in my photos. I am glad to have such supportive people in my life!!!

More Grillin' Goodness

Burnt Hot Dogs... an ode to my brother in laws wife maybe?!

Yummy!

Spatula City!

Smokey Goodness

The Feast...

Again, jut playing with the camera while we grilled. None of these are with the food setting on...I really don't like what it does. I suppose that I could give it another chance, with another meal? I think that we are having grilled cheese and soup tonight? We'll see if I have the inspiration to shoot the Bean & Bacon Soup!



Dinner 10/17/10

Flamed Licked Goodness!

This was a lucky shot! We were grillin' and I wanted to play with the food setting on the camera. I don't like it I have decided. Not sure what it is supposed to do, but it has some weird color scale on the side, like blues to reds. I think that the smoke from the grill threw it off...It made everything blue. This is NOT one of the food setting pictures. It was just a lucky shot! I love the way the flame came up over the burger like that! Talk about timing?!

And Me Without My Camera

Well, the clouds were beautiful last night while I was sitting at the bus stop, I was kicking myself for not bringing my camera, but honestly, I don't really want to bring it with me to work!

I did take some good pictures this weekend, just need to load them into my Picasa, and then to here.

Stories will accompany the pictures!

Rough Weekend

Well, it was a rough weekend, on and off. I'm sick ( I'm not
complaining, but explaining ). My grrrl has PMS right now.
Between those things, drawer pulls
falling off, people falling in the closet, back spasms, and other
misc. things this weekend...it's been rough at times. The sweet rolls
last night were nice. Grilling was good. Tonight, it's good, we
watched a new show called Sister Wives, interesting show, fun to
watch, played the Sims for a while...
Whatever, the weekend is almost over, all that's left is the brownies,
Adult Swim, and staying up as late as I can to sleep tomorrow, and
work tomorrow night. I'm going to finish now, glad the weekend is
over, wish it had better, I have a long weekend in my future, and we
will work hard to make it a good one! Might even rearrange the living
room!
I'm still trying, this weekend was hard. Hard to deal with moods, hers
and mine. Wish I had the words to say what I mean, here and to
her...it will get better.

Neighbors Partying

Neighbors are having a party for some reason, or no reason. Who really
needs a reason to have friends over? Anyhow, they have a guy over
there playing live music, loud! He's good, so it's OK. Plus, he's
playing good stuff...free live music and I can stay in my pajamas!
What a deal!

Sent from my iPod

Walmart parking lot epiphany...

God doesn't speak the same language to all of us
To some he speaks Christian, others Judaism, Muslim...
Some hear things that are not said.
Still others just don't listen at all.
Some don't listen well to what is said to them.
I have found gods message through nature.
The message is there, you just have to find the language.

Sent from my iPod

Bookcase Door!

The spines and covers we are going to use...

These are the spines, being treated with the adhesive remover ( I found it! )

Don't worry, we got permission to do this!!!

No Follow Thru

Maybe this post should be on my other blog, but I wonder why I don't have any follow through with some crafts? I have so many things "going" right now, and then I get bored, or whatever, and move on to something else, then I have MORE things "going".  Right now, I took inventory once, I have my Grrls blanket going, stopped working on that because I know I don't have enough yarn to finish, so I have to buy more, which means money, which makes me nervous, and sad...try and match the colors when the time comes, that wont be easy, and it is hard to work with since it is so long and wide now. I have a ton of embroidery squares, I was going to make a "quilt" out of. Not even sure how to go about that, since they are all different sizes, and I have more squares to do, no designs for the empty ones, Ill want more floss, more money...What else? Oh, a blanket that I made my son like 2 years ago, maybe more, and it is VERY long, but not wide enough! My daughters Xmas gifts, mass Xmas gifts, Xmas cards, and a crochet project where I am making squares to crochet together eventually, for my "marital bed". I like that one, because it is going to take forever to finish, and I can work on it on the bus, etc, they are small squares that I can keep a ball of yarn and hook in my bag, do them anywhere. Did one at each school concert this past week! My goal is to get it done before I turn 40. No comment on how long I have to get it done...

 PLUS, the bookshelf door. What the heck... I have crafter's A.D.D. ! I know that there is more, but I cant think of them now... I had them in a list in my iPod before, may still be there, but I think that it would be depressing to look at!

OK, well gotta get the girls up so we can get on with our day. Lunch with Nana, and then back here, gotta get that door done!

Started the door...HAVE TO FINISH!

So, we took the door off of Roberts room last night. Got some strips masked off for the "shelves". Got the spines pulled off of the books. Got those arranged. There are a few that have labels over the number, so those are being soaked and worked with adhesive remover, which I lost last night in a funny way... I laid it down, put a few labels over it, and couldn't find it! It was funnier last night, and funnier in my head to want to put it down here!

 I hope that we get it done this weekend, we need to at least worked. Robert CAN'T have no door all week! I hope that we have enough glue sticks to get it done. I hope that the glue sticks stay over next summer. They tend to dry out almost...Oh well, I am sure that it will be awesome! I cant wait to get it done, and put back on, to see how it looks! I hope it doesn't look dumb! I have a tendency to think up things, plan them, and they are very "grand" in my head, and then they come out, "not so much"...

Well, it's going to be time to take kids places soon, so I will close this post now, and drink my tea till go time!

Haha!

I was just saying how I don't feel good, I posted, and after the post, an ad for Vick's tissues popped up! Too funny!

Today's...See, I lost my words again...

Today I am  making a pledge to stop complaining about things so much. To be more positive basically. I don't feel well today. My throat hurts, my nose is stuffy, my eyes hurt, it hurts to breath, something bit my arm, and I woke up sore, but, I'm not going to complain about any of that. OK, so I know that I just did, but I mean, I am not going to complain anymore, in general. It doesn't do any good, I mean, I could get sympathy, and that is great, but it also brings others down, and I have an issue with asking for help, and complaining about how I feel, and then getting sympathy feels like asking for help.

I am going to ask for pampering days, but not by complaining, I need to learn to ask for help and not whine for it...Does that make sense?

Pet Peeves

1. Bathmats that don't get hung up after the shower, mostly its the hair that gathers on the bathmat, that I then step on with clean wet feet. Loose hairs gross me out!

2. Kids that only listen to half of what I say, so all kids.

3. Having a sore throat that makes it hard to breath.

4. Being told I'm not that sick when I feel that sick.

5. Whining about being sick.

6. Making water for tea, and then deciding that I want oatmeal too, but not having enough water...

7. Having all my best ideas come to me in the shower, and them all getting away like the shampoo I rinsed out of my hair, RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN...Oh, the lost potential...

8. Not being able to think of the words that I want to use in a sentence, so then I look super dumb!



9. People that don't listen to me when I tell them they are pretty...

OK, so this pet peeves list might have more to do with the fact that I woke up feeling like pooh, not the cuddly cartoon bear either...I was hoping that my HOT shower would make it better. It didn't, but at least I had plenty of hot water, so score 1 for the brighter side. However, I did have all kinds of great thoughts and ideas while I was in there, and they all escaped, I know I did have them, and they got away, because I have that feeling, like I lost something important! Ugh!


Oatmeal water done boiling, oatmeal smells WONDERFUL!!! Tea is steeping, immune strength from Yogi... Vick's tissues next to me, and the top 20 video countdown on the TV, a song a like was on when I switched over! Score some more for the bright side!

Guitar...

I have decided that I do not so much want to learn to play the guitar,
as much as I want "that someone special" to play lovely soft melodies
to me across a campfire...

Sent from my iPod

Looked Into It!

My New (Old) Name

Well, I looked at my bucket list, and this one thing was the easiest to get going! I looked into getting my name changed back to my maiden name! I went to Legal Zoom.com and filled out all of the pages. To get it done will cost about $145.00. I am not sure if there are fees at the courthouse? Hmmm, it didn't mention it, maybe I will cal the 800 number when it's time, just to make sure? The site says that it goes over the papers to make sure its all right, and then sends it to me, along with a list of where to go to file it ( again, no fees mentioned ) and a list of people that you should let know you've done it, once you've done it! So, now, I just have to get the money, that will be a nice tax gift to myself! Funny, it's only a little bit more than the sketchers shape ups, and this will last me longer!


The ideal situation would be if I could get my name changed for free, through marriage, but alas... Where on earth would I find another Bishop to marry me!? Ha ha, just kidding! I can't marry the person that I want to...Thanks a lot to the man!


Well, that is it... I'm going to add that I need to call Legal Zoom to make sure there are no fees on the filing end to my list, and maybe I will look up the cost and time involved in riding the train to Abilene to see my Gramma... OH SHOOT, CODE!!! Gotta go!

Dedication

The first post is dedicated to my grrrl that encouraged the purchase of the camera that I take all my picture with. And to how she loves that I love to take these pictures! 

Book Case Door

Super Cool Project

I saw this REALLY awesome project. I think that all of the stars in my life have finally lined up so that I can carry it out! My Grrrl seems to be on board; my Mom has some pretty neat looking books from the law library that I can use, so it’s on! This weekend, I hope!

I’m So Over This Night….

 

I'm so over tonight, at work. It started out crappy. Well, not really, I mean, I was in a bad mood about my job since Thursday night. My supervisor is kind of a pain in my butt. And, as I previously blogged, I am tired of all of the extra little duties that I have.  I'm tired of getting ragged on for doing the extra things, not to her specifications. Look, I'm doing stuff that makes your life easier, and technically are your job. I get them done, and they are done correctly, just not like you would do it, but correctly, so back off. Don't praise me for being so ready to take the lead, and then bitch about how I do it!  Plus, my favorite nurse is not here, and my LEAST favorite one is…She has been a super bit*h all night, and riding me for mistakes that were made on day shift. Maybe I should have caught the mistake in question, but here's the deal, if day shift did things the way that they are supposed to, then that mistake would have been easier to catch. In the end, the double checking and catching of those types of mistakes, fall to the nurse, so good job, you caught something that was YOUR job to catch. What are they going to do when all the HUCs are gone?  Poor babies…

 

Let's see what else. Oh, we got a patient, and within an hour and 15 minutes he died. I stood there and watched his wife beg the nurses to stop doing compressions, saying that they were going to break his ribs. The entire family there, crying. It was terrible. I could barely stop myself from crying. I know that it is OK, and I am allowed to cry. Well, to be honest, I don't know if I am allowed here? I mean at this unit? At the PICU, they expressed that it was normal. Anyhow, I walked away once I knew that they didn't need me. They don't need me… That sucks. So, he died, and that was hard to watch. Then, we got another patient, and she coded twice within an hour of arriving, then one other patient died, I didn't even know about it, she was DNR, and she just slipped away…

 

My eyes are itchy. It is 5:19. That is good, but 7:19 would be better! I am really lovin this 2 on and then, well, last week I only did 1 on, 2 off and 2 days. So, I guess I am not really sure if I'm gonna love it or not. Ask me again on Saturday! I think that I will like it!

 

This weekend we have an awesome project we are going to do, as long as my mom gives me those books we discussed, and I can figure out one last aspect of it… For more details, read my other blog.

 

For now, I think that I had more to bit*h about, but I lost it. That is an OK thing to loose I guess. Not like a lock combination or something important. That is why I like blogging, for 1 thing I can get "it" off my chest before I take it home, but my grrrl can still read it and know what is eating at me, if that is the case.

 

I guess that is it for now, I better get back to work. My eyes are killing me, which sucks…

It's Sunday!

Football day in America! Woohoo! I do love football! I love sitting
around with my family, everyone likes a different team, talking smack
to each other, sitting around in sweats, or something else comfy, in
my recliner, occasionally crocheting a lime or two, mostly yellin at
the TV...I love the junk food and crap that we eat, how we might even
eat late tonight, because we get carried away, and don't get to
cooking until the game is over, let alone even thinking about what to
make! My game is not on yet, so I'm not loosing yet...hehe, that is
the philosophy I usually take...it's a good way to look at it!

This morning, my grrrl, my son and I went to the flea market, we went
for inscense. We got there early, way early! We beat most vendors, we
even beat the guy who sells in the inscense! So we walked around
looking at stuff! It was lots of fun, even if my son is at the stage
where he argues with everyone and everything...not even really
arguing, just debating, or giving his 2 cents, ALL THE TIME! It gets
old! But he's 11, so, that is what he does! We fou d the inscense guy,
we got lots of yummy stuff, now we don't know what is what, because we
mixed and matched. Who cares, it all smells so good! We have decided
that we will go back when we are out, this time we will bring a
sharpie and label the bags! Also, we will go later, and ride the bus
to save the parking fees, and NOT TAKE KIDS!

Then we went to breakfast. It sure is nice to do stuff with my grrl
again. I am glad we found our way back to each other again. She asked
how we got lost, I said life. She's right though, that's not a good
enough excuse. Plus, we need to figure it out, so we don't let it
happen again. I now think it was several "major blows" in life, that
we didn't talk through...that is the key...

Ok, my head hurts, and my game is about start! Time to pull out the
crochet, crappy food and trash talk!

Sent from my iPod

I just love this picture, that is all

What the hell...

I bend over backwards for my job and supervisor. I have taken on all
kinds of extra tasks to make thi gs easier on just about everyone
else, yet I continue to get crap at every turn. I'm tired of it, and
I'm done...no more extra tasks, no more bending over backwards. NO MORE!

Sent from my iPod

Do I really want to learn to knit?

So, I've been trying to learn, I know it's hard at first, everything
is, right? Well, everything worth while...
However, I have decided that maybe I don't need to know. Ok, so I
guess that isn't deciding, if I say maybe... It's just really hard. At
this point I don't see the draw to it. I mean, sweaters ans socks? But
I found a few patterns for socks for crochet. Don't know how to do
thos patterns yet, need to learn to read a pattern, need to make sure
I can do those stitches, but wouldn't it be easier to carry on with
what I already know? Basically, at this point, I can't even remember
why I wanted to learn other than the fact that one of my nurses
brought in a catalog and I got all excited at the neat-o stuff! I need
to slow my roll about these things!
Anyhow, one of the books went back, the one that taught you how to
make your own patterns...a little premature, right?! And the other
book is no help...I'm beyond help for dummies! The DVD, while I
appreciate my daughter finding it, after watching, rewinding,
rewatching, re-rewinding, watching in slow motion...I still can't get
the knit stitch! I only got the cast on, because my grrrl got it, and
she showed me. That's how I got the crochet too...
So, this is where it stands...I know how to cast on, so, I may attempt
to continue to learn, maybe from YouTube or from that nurse that my
gurdle in a bunch...but for now, it's crochet for me!

Sent from my iPod

My mom won't leave...

Or shut her pie hole.
Or mind her own business.
Or get to the point,
Or let go of the past,
Or let me grow up,
Or see that I am a 36 year old woman,
Or stop acting like a 5 year old,
Or stop over staying her welcome,
Or say the word filthy correctly,
Or take a hint,
Or bring my son right home after school,
Or ever be on time,
Or just in general be a mom and not attempt to be a dictator.
By the way, she's still here...dinner is about to be out of the oven...

Sent from my iPod

Hippie House - Bedroom

Oh, we worked on the bedroom last night. It looks great. I'll post
photos later, but I can't do it from my iPod... We hung shelves, put
books and knock knacks back in, we added lots of little touches that
make the room "us". It's nice and cozy, just in time for winter. Next
project, the living room!
Sent from my iPod

Knitting update 2.0

Think I have the cast on thing down...My Grrrl helped me kinda get the
"knit stitch" as seen on the I can't believe I'm knitting DVD. And now,
I give up for the night. I don't feel well. Having a near emotional
breakdown. Knitting is supposed to be relaxing, thought it would help.
Guess it's only relaxing if you already know how to do it?! Going to
bed now. Kids are in bed, now it's our turn! Pirates marathon maybe?
Or just mind numbing Adult Swim? No more thinking tonight!
Good night!
Sent from my iPod

Knitting update

Learned to cast on...not looking good past that...
Sent from my iPod

Giant Mess

Well, today started off well. I was sleeping... Then it went downhill from there. After a doctors appt. where it turns out that Cara's ankle might be broken after all, there was family chaos and tragedy, and I am ashamed to say that I didn't handle it well, and I was mean to those that do not deserve it. Now, I have been forced by my evil housegaurd  to stay home and be taken care of, and pampered, even though I do not deserve it! How rude ;) So, that is where I leave this entry, about to "get it".., Pray for me

No Muffins This Weekend

No muffins this weekend. I printed tons of recipes, We were going to start with apple muffins, because I had apples that needed to be used, I even made applesauce out of them Thursday night in preparation. So, I leave the recipe out for my girls to make Saturday, they are both in culinary arts, so its nice to let them bake. They always leave a mess, but that is a small price to pay I think. Well, most of the time its a small price. Especially when I am not the one that cleans the kitchen, but I always try to get to it 1st after they have cooked. OK, anyhow.... Marie, my oldest, left me a note explaining how my apple muffin recipe has a split personality because it turns into banana nut muffins half way through the directions! Oh bother! I think that I will look for another recipe. I have to, I said that I want to make muffins. However, as my Grrrl pointed out, having the kids make them is not exactly me making muffins! Maybe I should clarify... I want muffins baked muffins around the house... There we go, that technicality ought to save my fanny!

Weekend Build Up - Melt Down!

Well, I went a little crazy this weekend. Don't have a good excuse. Lots of little explanations that added up and contributed to my breakdown on Saturday night!

First, I am tired, I slept a good portion of the weekend, I am not feeling well, and that is why I slept. I am nervous about my new job, and this is the first time that I have been able to verbalize it… I am VERY nervous about it. I have not done 8 hours over there yet, and I am itching to get out of there after 3 usually, so this is going to be interesting. Not to mention, that I don't even have my own cubicle over there, so I have to squeeze in where ever they can fit me, and I hate that. I usually wind up and some messy area where I don't have the space I need to work and it is so cluttered that all I want to do is clean up, but it's not my stuff to clean! UGH! I am nervous, and I am scared about it, and I don't want to leave the job that I have, I don't want to leave the area that I am in, I don't want to leave the people, but mostly I don't want to leave the comfort. I know everyone here. I am a shinning star here. I don't want to go where I don't know anyone, where I am not already established as awesome, and most of all, won't lead to the job that I want someday, office supervisor… UGH! Lots of shadows here, and I am running to hide in each one I can see. Not good. I have to look on the bright side. I don't feel well right now, and this past weekend, was short by my standards, and it was my last night shift weekend to boot. NOT HAPPY!  Oh well. Have to move on. I know this is true. Right now, I'm not feeling it!

So, back to my breakdown, oh yeah, I am sure that my mothers model behavior as a 5 year old didn't help my mood, although I don't think that it affected me. I tried very hard not to let it affect me. I am tired of her controlling me with her tantrums, and that is one of my goals…

So, Saturday night, the house was getting to me, on top of all of that other stuff, and I broke… I got mad at my Grrrl. I threw a fit. I told her I thought that we were regressing. More like I was regressing… because I didn't talk to her, I let it build up until I exploded! Honestly, I don't even realize that I am doing that, though. I mean, like I told her the other night, I walk by the dish that has been left on the floor for 5 days that we fed the dogs a treat in, not picked up for 5 days, and I say "ugh" to myself. Then I see that the animals have no water downstairs, another "ugh". Then there is crap all over the living floor from where the stooped cat claws at the rug, and another "ugh" gets added on the "ugh" tower. Pretty soon, the "ugh" tower falls, and falls in grand manner. And anyone near, when it happens is in trouble! Look out, Misty's gonna blow. I don't know how, but I need to stop when I see an "ugh" and express it, so it looses its power. That sounds so cheesy, but it's true.

So, I let my Grrrl know that I need more consistency in the way the house is cleaned. We are different people, and we have different styles, but I need more regularity in how things get done, so that I can count on a clean living room each Friday, for example. I did have a build up breakdown, but I stand by what I said about the house and how it needed more consistency.

So, my Grrrl, as awesome as she is, asked me to help her make a schedule. She planned it; she just needed my help getting it onto a spreadsheet. So, that is done! I am very excited. We will see how well it goes. She is not one to follow schedules, but she has changed a lot, and she wants to work on our relationship, and she knows I need this. I am sure there will be bumps in the road, but no road is smooth all the time…

Well, that is all, things are about to get busy here at work, so off I go to be the shinning start that these people know that I am!

Small Steps Taken Every Day

Sunday, my Grrrl looked at the Hippie House notebook that I made, and made some notes in it! Awesome input. Awesome suggestions! Awesome that she did that in general!

We moved the fancy Gramma coffee table out of the living room. It is not "us" but it was from her Gramma, so we used it for sentimental reasons. We have decided to redo the living room, for the winter, or just because? Not sure, but our chairs will be closer to the fire, I like that! Good for winter! Woohoo!

We moved her grandpa's foot locker in place of the Gramma coffee table. We are going to pull the nightstands out of the closet, the ones her Dad gave us, in place of the end tables from her Gramma. Those are a little more "us". Less fancy for sure. That is good, except I have Xmas stuff hidden in there! D'oh! Ill have to find a new hiding place! Ha ha! No worries, I'll just have to remember to write down where I hide it next!

We did some more awesome stuff to our bedroom. I’ll post pictures soon. We moved the furniture; we covered another wall in fabric. It’s awesome. We hung some shelves. She did some stuff tonight while I have been at work; I am excited to see what she did when I get home! We have more stuff to do, but I think that I will sleep first! Ha ha!

Things are moving along nicely with our nest. Like Megan from Threadbangers says “Your nest needs you” I think that is more than just the design elements… I think it means more emotional attention to your nest and those who share it with you… OK, well maybe that is 4:00 a.m. insight, but some of my best insight is from 4:00 a.m.

That’s it for now!

I WILL learn to knit

OK, so it might not seem like it right now, but I'm not going up! I
got 2 book from the library, 1 that's not what I thought, and the
other than my Grrrl said was useless to her. I am a visual learner, so
I tend to believe her...my oldest daughter also found me a DVD at when
we were at the library...she and I just watched it, maybe I'm to
tired, maybe it's because I just woke up, or I'm still sick, but I
couldn't get what that lady was showing us! We even put I on slow
motion, each time either of thought we had it, we didn't...UGH!
One of the nurses at work told me she would teach me, but we don't
work together often, and now hat my schedule is changing, even less
so... Now, should she tell me "lady, you suck, give it up" I'm not
giving up...
I don't think that I had this much trouble learning to crochet, but
that was, in my opinion, because I spent all those summers in the den
with Gramma, I learned a bit by osmosis, and then, I watched my grrrl
when her mom taught her, and I got it. From there, teaching myself
other stitches, was pretty simple! Funny thing is, the way my grrrl
crochets, is NOT the way I do it...? Funny! Osmosis & watching, I got
it...But this, is harder!
I'm taking my youngest daughter to a friends now, then back to bed for
work tonight ( AFTER I play a card game with my son! ) maybe I'll have
time to YouTube tonight at work. Not giving up. I want a pair of socks
by Xmas! OK, maybe that goal is a bit hardy, but I'm not stopping!
Sent from my iPod

so tired today

I am at work, about to leave, I am SO tired today. I am sure it has something to do with staying up late with my baby! ;)

Whatever the cause, I am headed out, and going back to bed! I have a fe hours before I have to go get the kids from school... maybe? UGH!