Rough Night

Last night was a rough night. Half of the people that we admitted didn't last an hour...One lady was brain dead when they flew her in, and they hoped to harvest her organs, but she didn’t make it, and then her family said no anyhow… To those of you who have the power over me when my time comes… I WANT TO DONATE EVERYTHING THAT CAN STILL BE USED, and I am OK with artificial means to keep me alive until I can be harvested… Now that that has been said…

There was another gentleman flown in from T or C, and he didn’t make it either. His wife was driving in, and no one was ever able to get in touch with her while she drove. She had NO idea that her beloved husband had passed when she got here. I did know this, so when she came onto the unit all frantic, wanting to see her husband, I had to get her nurse, who was dreading her arrival as well. He came up to my desk and she was asking how he was, my nurse had no choice but to tell her there at my desk that they did all that they could do, but that he didn’t make it. She fell to the ground and let out the most agonizing sob I have ever heard. It broke my heart. Telling her broke my nurses heart too, he may act like a bad a**, but he is a softy if ever there was one.

She cried on her sister’s shoulder while my nurse got her a chair, and she cried out that she didn’t want to live without him. That drove me over the edge. I didn’t break down in tears, I have to be strong for everyone, for my nurses, for myself, and for my families, even if they don’t realize it. I know I am a sideline player to the naked eye, but I am here getting things done that most won't know about, but if I wasn’t doing it, it would be felt. I am fine with this.

Hearing her say that she doesn’t want to live without him broke my heart, and for a moment made me not want to love anymore...Certainly it would be easier to go through life without love than to suffer agony, pain and immense heartache like this, wouldn't it?

Well, it’s too late for me; I am in love. So I guess that I have to resolve myself to suffer that pain someday? I have resolved that…I do know this now, love should not be taken for granted, and I should get busy livin’ and lovin’. Making it worth to suffering that may come some day. So that I will have the memories of a great love to carry me through the pain of loss.